


if you could see the way that you look to me (i bet that you'd be amazed at the sight)

by haha_im_stads



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Canonical Character Death, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Female Friendship, Found Families, Gen, Minor Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, They all just love each other so much, flynn is a supportive friend, i couldn't resist i love them together, julie is going through it, mentions of being insecure over body, not central to the plot but it's still there, read with caution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:06:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27230176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haha_im_stads/pseuds/haha_im_stads
Summary: When it comes to Julie Molina, she doesn't like to think too much about her appearance. But with the two year anniversary of her mom's death approaching, Julie's mental health takes a sharp decline. But with the help of her best friend and three special ghosts, she's able to see herself how everyone else sees her - the beautiful human she's always been.
Relationships: Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Flynn & Julie Molina, Julie Molina & Ray Molina, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 210





	if you could see the way that you look to me (i bet that you'd be amazed at the sight)

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone!! this is my first time ever writing for both jatp and on ao3. i mostly wrote on tumblr but since that's very much dead, i made the transition here haha.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: this fic contains descriptions of body dysmorphia and talks a lot about body image. if that is something that is triggering to you, please read with caution.
> 
> i hope you guys enjoy!! leave a comment on what you think, i'm always looking for constructive criticism :))
> 
> ps. if anyone knows where i got the title from, i love you and let's be friends

Julie tended to try and keep her insecurities on the back-burner, especially the ones regarding her physical appearance. The little voice inside her head that pointed out her flaws had been overshadowed by everything else going on around her for the longest time - from her mom’s death to everything that happened with the guys. But, eventually, when everything else quieted down, that voice amplified. Even so, she never let it bother her. She was typically a confident person, someone who was comfortable in her own skin. However, with the anniversary of her mom’s death drawing nearer and nearer, her mental health took a sharp decline. It was nearing the second year without her mom, and even though she was used to not having her around anymore, the reminder of the loss was getting to be too much for Julie. 

When she woke up on the dreary Tuesday morning, her seasonal depression decided it was the perfect time to completely kick her ass. Mixing that with the sinking feeling in her chest at the thought of her mom, Julie knew she was in for a rough day. Despite this, she threw on a tight, long-sleeved shirt and patterned jeans and slugged out of her room, putting on the appearance that everything was normal. When it came to her mental health, Julie liked to keep to herself. Sure, her dad always knew when something was wrong, but he knew better than to push her too hard to talk about it. He had tried that when Rose had first passed; it didn’t end well for anyone. So when Julie trudged through the kitchen, opting to take just an apple with her on the way out the door, Ray didn’t mention it. He just put in the back of his mind to keep an eye on her today. 

As Julie opened the front door, she came face to face with Reggie, who was on his way to spend his day like he usually did: hanging out with her dad. 

“Hey, Julie,” he said with his usual chipper tone. Typically, talking with Reggie, or any of the boys for that matter, was enough to put a smile on her face. After playing the Orpheum and gaining the ability to touch each other, the band had grown increasingly affectionate with one another. The boys were her best friends, her family. But today, she just brushed past Reggie with a quiet “hi” in response. This, of course, got Reggie’s attention. Despite what most people think, Reggie isn’t as oblivious as he appears. He was good, great even, at reading other people’s emotions - especially when they’re upset about something. But, like his good buddy Ray, he knew not to push it with Julie. So, he just watched with concern as Julie continued on to school.

When Julie pushed open the doors to her high school, she honestly felt significantly better than she had when she first woke up.  _ Maybe it was just a rough start _ , she thought to herself as she made her way to her locker. But then she saw Carrie and something in her shift once again. Normally, Carrie had to actually say something to her to sour her mood, but today, Julie just had to look at her for a pit to form in her stomach. Carrie was wearing a cute, pink dress that clung to her body flatteringly. Julie knew Carrie was beautiful, it was never something that was up for debate. But seeing Carrie’s naturally flat stomach and nice curves caused Julie to unconsciously grab at her own body. Reasonably, Julie knew that she didn’t have anything to be insecure about. Her body was her body and she loved herself for who she was. Plus she knew that looks weren’t everything and that Julie’s personality outshined Carrie’s rude demeanor. But looking at Carrie, plus Julie's already declining mental status as of late, she couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable in her tight shirt, showing off her mid-sized body.

Eventually, Julie tore her eyes away from Carrie, not realizing she had zoned out while staring at her. Turning back to her locker, Julie grabbed the sweatshirt she kept in there for particularly cold days and threw it on. She doesn’t normally feel the need to cover herself, but suddenly she felt as if everyone's eyes were on her. Her skin started to crawl at the thought of her peers judging her - she wrapped her arms tighter around her body. That’s how Flynn found her best friend that morning, staring blankly into her locker and hugging her body tight.

“Hey, bitch,” Flynn greeted lightly, startling Julie out of her trance.

“Hey, loser,” Julie responded half-heartedly. Flynn gave her a questioning look, sensing that something was wrong.

“What’s up with you today? Did something happen with the band or something? Do I need to walk my ass down there and give them a talking to? Cause I will, you know that,” Flynn rambled, putting on a casual tone. Unlike Ray and the guys, Flynn was not afraid to confront Julie head-on when she was upset, but she also knew she had to ease into it. 

“No, nothing happened; I’m fine,” Julie said, trying to sound as normal as possible. She didn’t really want to deal with one of Flynn’s pep talks this morning. Not that she didn’t love them, she just wasn’t in the mood. And Julie knew that if she told her friend about what was bugging her, she’d never be able to escape Flynn’s words of encouragement in an attempt to hype her up. Flynn raised an eyebrow at Julie, not letting her off the hook that easily.

“You and I both know something’s bugging you. Now, you can either tell me or I’m gonna have to force it out of you,” Flynn jokes, holding up a finger gun in Julie’s direction as a fake threat. Julie let out a small chuckle; Flynn always knew how to make her laugh, even in the worst situations.

“Holster your weapon, there’s no need to bring that out in school,” Julie said with her usual sarcastic tone. 

“Then you’re gonna have to explain what your deal is.”

“My ‘deal’ is that you’re gonna make me late for class if you keep up your interrogation,” Julie noted as she grabbed her supplies and shut her locker door, turning towards the direction of her English class. As Julie walked to class, she heard Flynn yell, “You’re not off the hook yet!”, at her. Julie’s amusement quickly faded as she got further and further away from her best friend, being reminded of every thought that had passed through her brain this morning. As she sat in her first hour, she found it hard to focus on the class’ discussion of  _ The Great Gatsby _ . Her mind kept wandering to how she might look leaned over, subconsciously grabbing at the fat on her stomach. She glanced around the room, feeling as though she’s being watched. But she was met with nothing, everyone either paying attention to the lecture, quietly talking to their friends, or playing on their phones. No one was giving Julie the time of day, which reassured her slightly. But she couldn’t help but feel as though everyone’s eyes were burning into her, like they could read her thoughts and see her deepest, darkest insecurities. Pulling the hood over her hair, she rested her head on her desk and waited for the bell to ring.

School seemed to drag on for the rest of the day. The pit in Julie’s stomach refused to go away and she found herself constantly looking at her classmates - the paranoia becoming insufferable. When lunch came around, she decided a bag of chips was suitable enough and found her way over to her and Flynn’s usual table. Julie was the first one there, so she sat down and took out her water bottle, opting to slowly sip instead of opening her chips. When Flynn arrived, she had no doubt in her mind that something serious was going on with Julie. Today was enchilada day at lunch - Julie’s favorite. She never missed it, not even when she genuinely wasn’t hungry. So Flynn gently slipped into her seat across from Julie and held out her hand. Julie looked up at her and tentatively took her outstretched hand, feeling a comforting squeeze from Flynn. 

“You know you can tell me anything, right,” Flynn said reassuringly. Julie gave her a small smile in response, but stayed silent. When Julie dropped her eyes from the other girl’s, Flynn gave her hand another squeeze and then let go. The two ate in silence. Eventually, Julie decided to speak up.

“I’m sorry.” Flynn gave her a questioning look.

“Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?” Julie shrugged.

“I’ve just been acting weird today and I feel bad that you have to deal with it.”

“Sweetheart,” Flynn usually never used names like this with Julie - she saved them for when she really needed them, “you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy, I promise. I’ve just had a bad day.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing  _ happened _ , really. It’s just been one of those days. You know, with the two year mark coming up with my mom, I’ve been in a bit of rough patch lately.” Julie paused for a second. Flynn sat silently, encouraging Julie to keep talking. “I don’t know, I woke up this morning in a sour mood and it just hasn’t improved. And then I saw Carrie and everything just kinda got worse.”

“She didn’t say anything to you, right?” Flynn asked, concern lacing her tone.

“No, no, no, she didn’t say anything,” Julie reassured, causing the tension Flynn hadn’t realized she had in her shoulders to fall. “She just-” she paused again, trying to figure out what to say exactly. “I just got kinda insecure. I mean, Carrie’s so pretty and you know how when I’m having a bad mental health streak, I tend to be harder on myself.”

“Is that why you skipped the enchiladas?” Julie breathed out in amusement. 

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, I’m also just genuinely not that hungry, but the feeling bad about my body definitely doesn’t help,” Julie said, trying to keep her tone light. She really didn’t want Flynn to worry too much about her. In truth, Julie knew that by tomorrow she’d be back to her normal, confident self. Sure, she’d probably still feel like shit in regards to her mom and her seasonal depression, but at least the insecurities would be shoved down again.

“Well, just know that I think you’re beautiful just the way you are. You don’t need to be ashamed of the gorgeous body you were blessed with, Julie.You’re a goddess among women, girlfriend,” Flynn said sincerely and Julie knows it. All she does in response is smile, actually allowing it to reach her eyes. As lunch drew to a close, Julie felt a little lighter than she has been all day. Talking with her best friend always does the trick. When the two girls went their separate ways for the remainder of the day, Julie drew Flynn in for a quick hug, whispering a “thanks” in her friend’s ear before heading off to History. 

The rest of the day drags on like the first half did. Julie still felt as though people were staring at her, but not nearly as much as before her talk with Flynn. When the final bell rang, all she wanted to do was go home and sleep away the gross feeling that resided in her, but she knew that the boys would be worried if she skipped rehearsal. She went to her locker, dropping off her books, and then immediately booked it home. She had texted Flynn an update on how she was doing, which she knew the other girl would greatly appreciate. As she reached her house, she debated on what she should do about rehearsal. She didn’t want to worry her bandmates, but the urge to be alone surpassed her need to keep her friends anxiety-free. 

The house was empty as she went up the stairs and flopped onto her bed. When she sat up, she caught sight of herself in her full-body mirror. Her gaze remained transfixed on her reflection. She then took off her sweatshirt, walking over to the mirror to get a closer look. Her eyes trailed down her body, lingering on her stomach. She turned so she could see her side, sucking in so her stomach got thinner. The pit in her stomach returned, burning more than it had all day. Eventually, she found herself tearing up, her emotions finally getting the better of her. 

The thought of rehearsal with the band had completely left her mind at this point, making her unaware of the turmoil going on out in the garage. While Julie was up in her room, the rest of the band was in the studio, growing more anxious by the minute. 

“Where do you think she is? She never skips rehearsal, no matter how tired she is. I don’t even remember the last time she was even  _ late _ to rehearsal,” Luke said to the other two, pacing around the studio.

“Dude, I’m sure she’s fine. Maybe she just got held up with homework or something,” Alex said while tapping on his leg, trying to quell his own anxiety about the situation.

“For half an hour?” Luke’s pitch rising. He knew something was up, they all did. But they knew better than to just poof into her room without permission - they’ve done that one too many times and it ended with a pissed off Julie and a pillow thrown at their faces. “We should go check on her.”

“She was in a bad mood this morning, so I wouldn’t be surprised if something was  _ actually  _ up,” Reggie added. The other two stop their anxious movements and glared at their bandmate.

“So,” Alex starts, annoyance slightly evident in his voice, “you knew she was in a shitty mood and you’ve let us freak out this whole time?” Reggie holds up his hands in defense.

“I’m sorry, I just thought it would pass!! That’s what usually happens with Julie.” He wasn’t wrong. Whenever Julie had a bad day, she would still come bounding into the garage, ready to rehearse like nothing was wrong at all. 

“That settles it, we’re going up there,” Luke says, putting his guitar down and getting ready to poof into her room.

“Wait!” Alex yells, stopping the others' movements. “We should knock first when we get up there.”

“Yeah, if she really is in as bad of a mood as she appears to be, I don’t think us bursting in there unannounced is gonna help,” Reggie states, knowing all too well the consequences that would bring.

“Okay, we can knock first, but if she doesn’t answer, we’re just letting ourselves in,” Luke said with conviction. He’s not backing down on this one; he needs to know what’s wrong with Julie. Reggie and Alex nod, agreeing that they’re talking to her no matter what.

But when they poof up to her bedroom door and hear the familiar sounds of Julie crying on the other side, any ideas of chivalry went out the window. When they walk in the room, the first thing they see is a crying Julie standing in front of her mirror, just looking at herself. The second thing they noticed is the discarded sweatshirt on the bed and things started to click. Julie jumped at the sudden intrusion, quickly trying to wipe her tears.

“Hey, guys,” she said hoarsely, her emotions showing through in her voice, “what’s up?”

“What’s up with us? What’s up with you is the better question?” Luke asked, stepping forward, reaching out to Julie. She took a step back and Luke retracted his hand immediately, not wanting to overstep.

“Nothing’s  _ up _ , I’m doing great this evening.” The boys exchanged glances, silently conversing with each other on how to approach this. They agreed that Alex should take the first step - he’s the best when it comes to comforting Julie. Alex took a tentative step towards Julie, Luke backing away at the same time to create space.

“Hey, Jules,” Alex said, softly. Julie looked up at him with a weak smile on her face, her eyes glossy. “How about you sit down and we can talk about what’s bothering you.” Her eyes traveled over the three boys, eventually settling on Alex’s kind look. She then nodded, moving towards her bed and taking a seat on the edge. The boys situated themselves around her - Reggie sitting on the floor next to her legs, resting his head on her knee, Alex on her right, cross-legged and facing her, and Luke on her left, pressing himself into her side and resting his head on her shoulder. Julie grabbed Alex’s hand, subconsciously twisting the rings on his fingers. Luke softly tugged on her curls, a move that’s been known to calm her in the past.

“Does this have something to do with your mom?” Reggie asked gently, glancing up at the girl. Julie lets out a shaky breath, but softly shook her head.

“No, not really. But, also, like, a little? I don’t know, it’s just a combination of a whole bunch of things.” At that, Luke took her hand, giving it a squeeze just as Flynn did earlier. She turned her head to find Luke’s green eyes already peering up at her from where his head rested on her shoulder. 

“Talk to us, Jules,” he said to her, giving her hand another squeeze. She looked down at their joined hands and then where Alex’s hand rested on her knee and where Reggie’s head rested on her other knee. Looking at the three of them, she knew that she didn't have to hide. She felt completely seen, completely loved. She let out a little whimper as tears started welling up in her eyes again. Upon seeing this, Alex quickly wrapped his arms around her body, holding her tightly to his chest. Luke and Reggie watched as Julie, the strongest girl they’ve ever known, cried into their best friend’s arms. Alex glanced at the other two boys, once again communicating with just their eyes - a little trick they’ve learned from knowing each other for so long.

When Julie’s breathing started to even out, Alex loosened his hold on her. She leaned away and looked at Luke and Reggie, small, reassuring smiles adorning their faces. Luke hesitantly reached up and grabbed her cheek, wiping away the tears that remained on her face. Julie leaned into his touch, the two of them exchanging a look that they knew meant more than what they let on, but now wasn’t the time to think too hard about it. When Luke let go of her face, Julie turned forward again, looking towards the full body mirror on the wall in front of her. Reggie glanced at Julie through the mirror, their eyes connecting in the reflection. He gave her a small smile and nodded, letting her know that it was okay to continue.

“I’ve just been going through a bit of a rough patch lately,” Julie said, repeating the words she told Flynn earlier. “Whenever I’m having a bad mental health streak, I tend to focus too much on things I shouldn’t. Like today, I woke up and my seasonal depression was kicking my ass and then the fact that the two year anniversary of my mom’s death is coming up didn’t help. Then, this morning, I got to school and I saw Carrie,” At the mention of Carrie, the boys shared a look, worried that she had said something to Julie. As if reading their minds, Julie continued with “don’t worry, she didn’t talk to me or anything. Ever since our performance at the Orpheum, she’s actually been really nice to me for some reason. Regardless, I saw her and she’s just so,” Julie hesitated for a second before continuing. “She’s so pretty. And the thought occurred to me that I will  _ never _ be as pretty as she is no matter how hard I try. And I know that looks aren’t everything; trust me, I know. But I couldn’t help myself - I just wanted to hide myself from the world. So, I grabbed a sweatshirt and covered myself up from everyone. But even though I did that, I was just so anxious everyone was looking at me all day. I don’t know where this even came from, I’ve  _ never _ been this bad before. Everything that’s been going on in my head lately just seemed to combine into one really bad day and Jesus Christ it was awful. When I got home, I couldn’t even think about rehearsing. I had the urge to just look at myself in the mirror. And so I did. And, you know, you guys were there for the rest.” 

Julie took a deep breath when she finished, finally chancing a look at the guys. They’re all looking up at her, tears welling up in their own eyes. She felt so loved in that moment, like she’d found the people that she was always meant to find. Despite her terrible day, being with her boys made her heavy heart lighter. Reggie was the first to speak up.

“You know that we love you right, Julie?” She did. There was no doubt in her mind. She nodded, trying to communicate to them just how much she knew. “And so you know that you mean so much more to us than your appearance. There’s so many things that make you who you are and all of them are amazing. You have the voice of a literal angel, your songwriting skills are out of this world, and you’re mesmerizing to watch on stage.” Julie breathed out in amusement, smiling softly down at the boy on the floor.

“Julie,” Alex spoke up next, “you are the literal definition of ‘beautiful inside and out’. Like, you are the bravest, kindest, and most generous person any of us have ever met. None of us even know what we’d do without you. You mean the world to us, honest.” Julie looked over at Alex and she swears she’s never seen him look more genuine in the entire time she’s known him. Reggie nodded along with him, reassuring her that the feeling was reciprocated amongst the band. When she finally took the leap and looked over at Luke, she saw something in his eyes she didn’t recognize, but she wanted to swim in it forever. He held her gaze, grabbing her hand once more and bringing it up to his lips, giving her fingers a soft kiss before returning their joined hands to his lap. For a second, it was just them in the room. No Reggie, no Alex, just the two of them. And at that moment, that was okay with her. But then she felt Alex’s hand squeeze her knee and Reggie’s hair tickle her thigh and the spell was broken. 

“I don’t even know what to say,” Luke started, eyes never leaving her own. “The fact that you could ever see yourself as anything less than beautiful just doesn’t make sense to me.” Julie looked away from Luke, deciding that looking at their hands in his lap was easier than keeping her eyes locked with his. However, Luke had other plans. He used his other hand and gently tipped her chin up towards him, forcing her to look him in the eyes. His signature smile played on his lips as a muted blush spread across her face. “Jules, hear me when I say this: you are gorgeous. You are stunning. You are immaculate. You’re every possible word I could use to say just how incredibly beautiful you are.” Julie could feel tears well up in her eyes again, but this time, it’s out of love for the boy in front of her. The kind of love she felt was up for debate, but all that mattered at that moment was that she felt loved. She looked around at all her boys and saw the same love radiating off of them as well. The biggest smile spread across her face.

“I love you guys,” she said with a laugh, wrapping her arms around Luke and Alex, Reggie instinctively poofing up behind her on her bed and wrapping his arms around her waist, resting his head in the crook of her neck. 

“We love you too, Jules,” Alex breathed into her shoulder. 

“More than you know,” Luke said quietly, maybe just for her. The blush returns to her cheeks, but she snaps out of it at the sound of her front door opening downstairs and her dad calling for her to come down for dinner. The group untangled themselves from each other and Julie got up to leave. When she reached the door, she paused and looked back at the three boys. 

“Thank you. For everything.” They all smiled at her, giving her one last reassuring nod before they poof out of her room, presumably returning to the studio. With that, she opened her bedroom door and bounded down the stairs, ready for family dinner with her dad and brother. When Ray saw her change in demeanor, he let out a sigh of relief.

“I see you’re doing much better this evening,  _ mija _ ,” Ray said, addressing his daughter. A smile spread across Julie’s face, remembering the comforting feeling of the boys’ warmth on her skin and the way Luke’s eyes made everything else around her fade away.

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“Well,” Ray started while dishing up the Chinese takeout he brought home, “thank whatever or whoever made you feel better. I’ve been worried sick all day.” Julie laughed, standing up and kissing her dad on the cheek.

“Yeah, dad. I’ll let them know.” She smiled to herself, taking a glance in the direction of the studio before engrossing herself in a conversation with Carlos about his day at school.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you guys enjoyed!! i haven't written a fanfiction in so long, but this show was so cute and i felt inspired. look out for more jatp fics from me in the future (i have a whole ass series planned y'all are not ready)


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